|What is twenty metres long, ugly, and sings 'Scotland The Brave'?
The Loch Ness Songster.
|What followed the Loch Ness Monster?
A whopping big tail.
|What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?
Long time no sea.
|What do you call a Scottish sea monster who hangs people?
The Loch Noose Monster.
|What do you get if you cross a fashion designer with a sea monster?
The Loch Dress Monster.
|What is large, yellow, lives in Scotland and has never been seen?
The Loch Ness Canary.
|Which is the unluckiest monster in the world?
The Luck Less Monster.
|Boy: Mom, why can't I swim in Loch Ness?
Mother: Because there are monsters in it.
Boy: But dad's swimming there.
Mother: That's different. He's insured.
|Did you hear about the man who tried to cross the Loch Ness Monster with a goat?
He had to get a new goat.
|What do you get if you cross the Loch Ness Monster with a shark?
|How do you communicate with the Loch Ness Monster at 20,000 fathoms?
Drop him a line.