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Did you hear about the snooker-mad monster?

He went to the doctor because he didn't feel well. "What do you eat?" asked the doctor.

"For breakfast I have a couple of red snooker balls, and at lunchtime I grab a black, a pink and two yellows. I have a brown with my tea in the afternoon, and then a blue and another pink for dinner."

"I know why you are not feeling well," exclaimed the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."

A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said, "You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit."

The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said, "You're slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a math teacher."
Two policemen in New York were watching King Kong climb up the Empire State Building. One said to the other, "What do you think he's doing?"

"It's obvious," replied his colleague, "he wants to catch a plane."
FIRST HUMAN BOY: Why do you keep throwing bunches of garlic out of the window?

SECOND HUMAN BOY: To keep the vampires away.

FIRST HUMAN BOY: But there are no vampires around here.

SECOND HUMAN BOY: Jolly effective, isn't it?

A man thought he had swallowed a monster, and nothing his doctor said would make him change his mind.

So, finally the doctor gave him an anaesthetic and put him into a deep sleep. When he woke up, the doctor was standing beside his bed, holding a great big green monster on a lead.

'Nothing more to worry about,' he said. 'We operated on you and took him out.'

'Who are you trying to kid?' said the man. 'The one I swallowed was a blue one.'

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