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A man was walking behind a hearse with a big monster on a lead. Behind them stretched a long line of mourners.

'What happened?' asked a passer-by.

'The monster bit my wife, and she died of fright.'

'Can I borrow it?' the passer-by asked.

The man pointed behind him. 'Get in the queue,' he said.

Frankenstein's monster walks into a cafe and orders a cup of tea. 'That'll be £1,' said the waitress when she brought it to him.

'You know I was just thinking, we don't get many monsters in here . . .'

'I'm not surprised,' said Frankenstein's monster, 'at £1 a cup.'

The two monsters went duck-hunting with their dogs, but without success.

'I know what it is, Zob,' said Grunge. 'I know what we're doing wrong.'

'What's that then, Grunge?'

'We're not throwing the dogs high enough.'
Tarzan climbed to the top of the highest mountain in the jungle. Suddenly, he was surrounded by every kind of hideous, fire-breathing, evil-smelling monster in creation yetis, goblins, trolls, Martians, mekons, abominable snowmen, the lot.

Do you know what he said?

'Boy, am I ever in the wrong joke. . .'
A very posh man was walking around an art gallery, when he stopped by one particular exhibit.

'I suppose this picture of a hideous monster is what you call modern art,' he said very pompously.

'No, sir,' replied the assistant, 'that's what we call a mirror.'
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