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Monster: Doctor, doctor, I'm a bloodsucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors.
Doctor: Oh, what a shame. I'm a dentist.
Monster: Doctor, I have this irrepressible urge to paint myself all over in gold.
Doctor: Don't worry, it's just a gilt complex.
Doctor, I've just been bitten on the leg by a werewolf. Did you put anything on it?
No, he seemed to like it as it was.
Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing
tiddledywinks under my bed. What shall I do?

Hide the tiddledywinks.
Monster: Doctor, doctor, I've got a split personality.
Doctor: Sit down, both of you.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm the Abominable Snowman.
Keep cool.
Doctor: Did the mud pack help your appearance?
Monster: Yes, but it fell off after a few days.
Monster: Where do fleas go in winter?
Werewolf: Search me!
A monster went to see the doctor because he kept bumping into things. "You need glasses," said the doctor. "Will I be able to read with them?" asked the monster. "Yes." "That's brilliant,"
said the monster. "I didn't know how to read before."
PATIENT: Doctor, can a person be in love with a monster?
DOCTOR: No.
PATIENT: Oh. Do you know anyone who wants to buy an extremely large engagement ring then . . .?
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