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How can you tell a monster from an elephant?
A monster never remembers.
What's the difference between a monster and a mouse?
A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.
Where do the cleanest monsters live?
Bath.
Did you hear about the monster who went on a crash diet?
He wrecked three cars and a bus.
Did you hear about the monster who ate a sofa and two chairs?
He had a suite tooth.
What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen?
The Ink-credible Hulk.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs?
His trousers fit him like a glove.
What do you get if you cross a monster's brain with an elastic band?
A real stretch of the imagination.
FIRST MONSTER: That girl over there just rolled her eyes at me.
SECOND MONSTER: Well, roll them back, she might need them.
What's big and ugly and goes up and- down?
A monster in a lift.
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