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How do you raise a baby monster that has been abandoned by its parents?
With a fork lift truck.
What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster?
Ever tried dunking a monster?
Can a monster jump higher than a lamp post?
Yes - lamp posts can't jump.
Boy 1: I'm going to keep this monster under my bed.
BOY 2: But what about the smell?
BOY 1: He'll just have to get used to it.
What do you do if a monster feels sick?
Stand well back!
Why does a barber never shave a monster with a forked tongue?
Because it's easier with a razor.
What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?
Lots of very worried dogs.
Did you hear about the monster that has pedestrian eyes?
They look both ways before they cross.
MR MONSTER: Oi, hurry up with my supper!
MRS MONSTER: Oh, do be quiet - I've only got three pairs of hands.
What do you get if you cross a biscuit with a monster?
Crumbs.
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