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What gets smaller the more you put in it ?
A hole in the ground !
Waiter, why is there a dead fly in my soup ?
Well, you surely don't expect to get a live one at these prices !
What happened to the man who stole a lorry load of eggs ?
He gave himself up - he said he only did it for a yolk !

Stop ! This is a one-way street ?
Well, I'm only going one way !

Yes ! But everyone else is going the other way !
Well, you're a policeman, make them turn round !
What is the thing that is most red at Christmas ?
Rudolph's nose !
How do penguins get to school ?
On 21 speed mountain icicles !
Why do cows have horns ?
Because they would look pretty silly with bells on their heads !
What goes Mooooooz ?
A jet flying backwards !
What do blacksmiths eat for breakfast ?
Vice Crispies !
Why do toolmakers always escape from fires ?
They know the drill !
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