When a loved one lets us down, it feels like we’ve been punched in the gut. We’re left reeling, trying to make sense of what just happened. Sometimes we overreact, and other times we underreact. But no matter what we do, it’s hard not to feel hurt, angry, and resentful.
It’s easy to make mistakes when feeling overwhelmed and emotional. Here are five of the most common ones:
Not Communicating Our Feelings
We tend to clam up and bottle our emotions when we’re hurt. We might tell ourselves that it’s not worth it to confront the person who hurt us or that we can handle it on our own. But bottling up our feelings only makes them fester and grow. Instead of keeping everything inside, try to communicate your feelings to the other person calmly and constructively.
Trying to Control the Situation
When we’re feeling pain and uncertainty, it’s natural to want to regain some control over the situation. We might try to force the other person to apologize or make them feel guilty for what they did. But trying to control the situation will only make things worse. It’s important to let go of the need to control and accept that some things are out of our hands.
Dwelling on the Negative
It’s easy to focus on all the negative emotions we feel after a loved one lets us down. We might replay the hurtful event repeatedly in our minds or dwell on how unfair it is that this happened to us. But dwelling on the negative will only make us feel worse. Instead, try to focus on the positive aspects of the situation, such as the fact that you’re still alive and have people who care about you.
When feeling down, it’s tempting to compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing better than us. We might look at our friends’ happy relationships or think about how much better off we would be if we had a different partner. But making comparisons will only make us feel worse. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own struggles and that nobody’s life is perfect.
Taking It Personally
It’s easy to take things personally when they happen to us, but sometimes it’s not actually about us. We might think that the other person is deliberately trying to hurt us or that they don’t care about us anymore. But chances are, they’re not thinking about us at all. Instead of taking things personally, try to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective.
When a loved one lets us down, it can be difficult to deal with the range of emotions we feel. We may make any of the five mistakes listed above as we try to cope with the situation. But we can begin to heal and move on by communicating our feelings, letting go of control, focusing on the positive, and understanding the other person’s perspective.