Category: Relationships

A long-term relationship can be one of the most satisfying experiences in the world, but it can also be incredibly challenging. Most couples go through periods where they don’t get along or their relationship just doesn’t feel as close as it used to be. Don’t despair — there are ways to troubleshoot your relationship.  

1. Open yourself to being vulnerable.

A successful relationship requires you to be open to the other person. This can be hard if you have been hurt in the past. When you’ve been hurt, your natural instinct is to protect yourself. You shut down lines of communication, and you become defensive.

If you want to heal your relationship, you need to be willing to be vulnerable. This can feel very scary. You may feel like you’re opening yourself to pain. But that’s essential if you want to foster a connection with your partner. 

2. Extend compassion to your partner.

Just as you may feel scared or hurt, your partner may also feel scared or hurt. You need to extend them compassion if you want to improve your relationship. This is the person you love. You need to treat them kindly and gently. 

Imagine your partner throughout their life. Imagine the ways they have been hurt. Think about how they could have been loved more during their life. Become the person who gives your partner the unconditional love that they have always deserved during their life.  

3. Get ready to compromise. 

Relationships involve two people. Regardless of how much you have in common, there will be times when you disagree on things. To make your relationship work, you need to be willing to compromise. This rule applies to both big and small situations. 

Compromise also comes into play with how you interact with each other. If your partner snaps at you, don’t snap back. Instead, internally acknowledge that they may be having a rough day or might be a bit stressed, and then, respond with kindness and compassion. This type of compromise can help you avoid unnecessary arguments. 

4. Practice intimacy.

Your primary relationship is the most intimate relationship in your life. You need to nurture intimacy if you want this relationship to be successful. Keep in mind that intimacy takes a lot of different forms. 

To foster emotional intimacy, listen actively and make eye contact while your partner talks. Focus on what they’re saying, not how you want to respond. 

Also, make sure that you display physical attention. When relationships are suffering emotionally, they typically suffer physically as well. Take a walk and hold hands. Touch each other gently while watching TV or relaxing. Set aside dedicated times to explore each other and rekindle your relationship in the bedroom. Be patient. This process can take time, especially if you’ve been struggling for a while. 

5. Have fun.

Relationships can take work, but they should be fun. Remember why you got together? A lot has probably changed since then. You and your partner have gone through all kinds of life events and experienced ups and downs both individually and as a couple. Revisit experiences that you enjoyed when you first got together. Or explore new hobbies. Find ways to have fun with each other. 

Most people don’t want to think about their own deaths. But that event is unavoidable, and if you want control over where your assets go after your death, you need to write a will. If you’ve been putting off this task, you are certainly not alone. Many people avoid writing a will because they simply don’t want to think about their own deaths, or they assume that death is something that will happen decades in the future.

Unfortunately, you don’t have any control over your death, but if you write a will, you do have control over some of the things that happen after your death. Wondering where to get started? Here are five essential facts to consider. 

1. Without a will, state intestacy laws apply.

If you don’t write a will, the state will decide what happens to your assets and to your minor children. The laws that govern this are called intestacy laws, and they vary from state to state. Generally, however, they distribute your assets (and your minor children) to the relatives who are considered closest to you under state law. 

In some cases, intestacy laws can work well. For instance, if you live in a state where all of your assets go to your spouse, you may be fine with that arrangement. However, if you want your assets to go to your adult children instead of your spouse, these types of laws can wreak havoc on your wishes. To ensure you have control over what happens, you need to write a will.  

2. You need an executor. 

Your executor will help to carry out the logistics related to the will. They can be an attorney, a family member, or anyone you trust. Let them know where your will is located and if possible, give them a copy. Make sure to alert them if you update the will. Multiple copies of different wills can lead to legal issues after your death. 

3. Minor children need guardians. 

If you have minor children, they are arguably the most important part of your will. Consider who you want to take guardianship of your children if both you and their other parent die. Talk with potential guardians to make sure they’re up to the job, and also name some backup options in case your named guardians die before you do. 
4. You can list all your assets or just give away your entire estate. 

When you write a will, you can divvy up your entire estate to your beneficiaries or you can list out entire assets. You can also choose a hybrid model. For instance, you may want to leave a third of your estate to your spouse, your son, and your daughter, but then, you may want to leave your motorcycle to your best friend and your favorite painting to your favorite co-worker. 

5. A trust can provide additional benefits when paired with a will. 

In addition to writing a will, you may also want to set up a trust. A trust can help your heirs avoid probate. Probate is the legal process that confirms the legitimacy of your will and distributes your assets based on your will. When your assets go into an trust after your death, your heirs don’t have to deal with the legal process of probate. 

A trust can also allow you to set up rules about how your assets are distributed. For instance, if you don’t want your children to inherit all of your money in cold cash, but you do want them to be able to access funds to go to college or to start a business, you need a trust. A trust allows you to create these types of conditions. Unfortunately, a will on its own doesn’t have this capability. 

 

Pals and buddies help you have a good time. Close friends will be there when you need support. These are the well-known benefits of friendship. But did you know that having friends can also extend your life? And friendships may even boost your immune system! Check out these surprising benefits of friendship:

Friendship May Prevent Heart Attacks

A study conducted on middle-aged men found, surprisingly,  that having a life partner didn’t lower their chances of having a heart attack – but having friends did! You could say that friends not only touch your heart with their thoughtfulness, but they also help your actual physical heart keep on ticking.

The researchers found that if you don’t have social support, that’s as bad for your heart as smoking. So reach out to a friend today. Your cardiologist will thank you!

Friendship Makes Things Seem Easier

In another study, researchers stood at the base of a steep hill on a college campus. They stopped students who were walking by and asked them to participate in the study. Many students agreed, perhaps welcoming the break in their routines.

The researchers gave the students backpacks filled with very heavy rocks. Then they asked them how steep they thought the hill was.

The students who were there by themselves thought the hill was steeper than the students who were there with friends. The students who had been friends the longest thought the climb would be the easiest.

The researchers, by the way, did not actually make the students climb the hill carrying the heavy rocks. That must have made them seem friendlier.

The moral of the story: If you have to climb a steep hill carrying a lot of rocks, bring a friend with you, and it won’t seem so bad. Or maybe you should ask yourself why you are carrying rocks up a hill. Seriously, friendship can make the hard times seem easier.

Friendship May Strengthen Your Immune System

Feeling lonely can be emotionally painful. Loneliness can also have surprising physical effects on your body. It can even have a strong negative effect on your immune system.

Cultivate your friendships and/or make new friends to keep loneliness at bay, and you may kick your immune system into a higher gear.

Friendship May Extend Your Life

Researchers found that friendship had a surprisingly important effect on people’s lifespans. People who had strong social relationships had a better chance of living longer. In fact, the effect of friendship on preventing an early death was as strong as quitting smoking and twice as strong as exercising.

That doesn’t mean that if you have good friends, you can smoke and forget about exercising. All of these are important. Consider going for a walk or a run with a friend and cover all your bases at once. Just don’t carry a backpack full of rocks.

Take Care of Your Friendships

Friendships need time and attention to thrive. Time is often in short supply in our busy lives. To get all the benefits of friendship, make it a priority. You will reap the rewards many times over.

  

 

When a loved one lets us down, it feels like we’ve been punched in the gut. We’re left reeling, trying to make sense of what just happened. Sometimes we overreact, and other times we underreact. But no matter what we do, it’s hard not to feel hurt, angry, and resentful.

It’s easy to make mistakes when feeling overwhelmed and emotional. Here are five of the most common ones:

Not Communicating Our Feelings

We tend to clam up and bottle our emotions when we’re hurt. We might tell ourselves that it’s not worth it to confront the person who hurt us or that we can handle it on our own. But bottling up our feelings only makes them fester and grow. Instead of keeping everything inside, try to communicate your feelings to the other person calmly and constructively.

Trying to Control the Situation

When we’re feeling pain and uncertainty, it’s natural to want to regain some control over the situation. We might try to force the other person to apologize or make them feel guilty for what they did. But trying to control the situation will only make things worse. It’s important to let go of the need to control and accept that some things are out of our hands.

Dwelling on the Negative

It’s easy to focus on all the negative emotions we feel after a loved one lets us down. We might replay the hurtful event repeatedly in our minds or dwell on how unfair it is that this happened to us. But dwelling on the negative will only make us feel worse. Instead, try to focus on the positive aspects of the situation, such as the fact that you’re still alive and have people who care about you.

Making Comparisons

When feeling down, it’s tempting to compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing better than us. We might look at our friends’ happy relationships or think about how much better off we would be if we had a different partner. But making comparisons will only make us feel worse. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own struggles and that nobody’s life is perfect.

Taking It Personally

It’s easy to take things personally when they happen to us, but sometimes it’s not actually about us. We might think that the other person is deliberately trying to hurt us or that they don’t care about us anymore. But chances are, they’re not thinking about us at all. Instead of taking things personally, try to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective.

Wrapping Up

When a loved one lets us down, it can be difficult to deal with the range of emotions we feel. We may make any of the five mistakes listed above as we try to cope with the situation. But we can begin to heal and move on by communicating our feelings, letting go of control, focusing on the positive, and understanding the other person’s perspective.