Category: Self Improvement

When someone has done you wrong, holding a grudge seems natural. You deserve to feel this way and the other person deserves to be resented.

But as it turns out, when you hold onto resentment and emotional pain, you could be doing yourself a lot of harm. At the same time, that other person may not even care that you resent them. So if you need another reason to let it go, we have 5 for you.

1. It Harms Your Immune System

When you feel resentment, you spend more time in a fight or flight response and less in a relax and recover state. When your fight or flight response is activated, your body sends resources to your muscles, so you can run or fight for your life.

It takes it away from your immune system, digestive system, and higher-level brain activity. As your body sees it, you don’t need these things if you’re in mortal danger. 

You’re now more likely to get sick, get more severe symptoms, and take longer to recover. 

2. It Can Lead to Mental Health Problems

It’s perfectly normal to have some resentment when someone did something terrible to you. But holding onto it makes resentment a habit, an obsession, if not a full-blown addiction. 

Your go-to becomes feeling resentful. It becomes harder and harder to get out of that rut. And you begin to see the world through the eyes of a resentful person.

As the grudge progresses, real mental health problems often occur:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Obsessive-compulsive disorders
• Emotional detachment
• Inability to love or be loved
• Substance abuse to kill all this pain

3. It Can Cause Physical Health Challenges

It’s no wonder that, over time, this can lead to real physical health conditions. Health conditions that experts believe may be closely linked to holding on to the resentment include:

• High blood pressure
• Digestive issues
• Cancer
• Stroke
• Skin disorders
• Chronic headaches

4. It Can Shorten Your Life

This could be a direct result of the mental health and physical health challenges brought on by resentment. But people who don’t learn to let it go may live a shorter life — not to mention a less fulfilling one. 

No one’s saying you don’t have a right to your feelings. But you’re doing yourself real and lasting harm when you don’t learn strategies to overcome resentment and move on. 

Oh, and that person you resent. You’re probably not hurting them at all — unless you resent yourself.

5. It May Keep You from Better Things

Let’s say you feel resentful after a tragic breakup. Because of those feelings, you sit at home and don’t get back out there. Something better could be out there for you, but you’ll never know because you’re so focused on the past. 

But don’t beat yourself up. Doing so will keep you in this despair. What’s done is done. And the best thing you can do now is to start moving on to something better.  So consider these reasons, reach out for professional help if you need it, and get back to living your best life.

Benjamin Franklin had a passion for self-improvement. The Founding Father, drafter of the Declaration of Independence, inventor, and scientist – perhaps best known for his experiment with a key on a kite string – decided to embark on what he called, in his autobiography, a “bold and arduous project” with a goal of nothing less than “moral perfection.”

That turned out not to be as easy as he had hoped. While he was guarding against one fault, another bad habit would pop up. He needed to come up with a plan to turn the virtues he desired into habits.

He made a list of 13 virtues he wanted to acquire. Then he came up with the key to his method. He realized that if he tried to focus on all of the 13 at once, he would just get distracted. So he created a plan where he would focus mostly on one virtue at a time.

He put them in an order where mastering one would make it easier to master the next. Every week he focused on a single virtue. With 13 virtues on his list, he spent a week on each of them four times a year.

His chosen virtues were:

• Temperance (not eating or drinking too much)
• Silence (saying only what will benefit himself or others)
• Order (for objects and for time)
• Resolution (to do what he should)
• Frugality (don’t waste)
• Industry (always be doing something useful, and don’t waste time)
• Sincerity (act, think, and speak without deceit)
• Justice (do his duty to avoid harm and provide benefits to others)
• Moderation (avoid extremes and resentments)
• Cleanliness (of body, clothing, and home)
• Tranquility (don’t get upset about trivial or unavoidable things)
• Chastity (don’t overdo sex, and use it mostly for health and offspring)
• Humility (be like Jesus and Socrates)

To keep track of how well he was doing in his self-improvement project, he made graphs in a notebook. On each page, he drew lines to make seven columns, one for each day of the week. Then he made 13 rows, one for each virtue.

Every page had a single virtue that he was focusing on the most. For example, the first week, he would focus on temperance. He would leave the others to their natural course.

Every evening, he would think back on his faults of the day. He would place a mark in the box on his graph for the day and virtue for every one of the virtues that he had failed to uphold. His goal was to have a line clear of marks for the virtue he was focusing on for the week. If he could keep it up for a week, he would progress to the next virtue and try to keep both lines clear. After 13 weeks, he would start again.

Franklin’s self-improvement project still appeals to people today. If this resonates, consider choosing 13 virtues that have personal meaning to you. 

In the end, Franklin did not achieve the perfection of moral character that he had sought. But he said he was a better and happier person for having tried. And that’s the best outcome of all.

 

Self-discipline doesn’t come naturally for most. It is a learned skill set, like typing, good grammar, and cooking. The more you practice it, the better you get at it. What are some things you can do to build your self-discipline? 

What is Self-Discipline? 

Self-discipline is the capacity to control your behaviors, feelings, and emotions. For example, sticking to your weekly budget allows you to spend less and save more. It takes self-discipline not to eat fast food every day, though. You’ll stay motivated and be more likely to succeed if you learn how to perfect the art of self-discipline.

Five Ways to Help Yourself Develop Self-Discipline

Like any skill set, self-discipline takes practice, so where do you start?

1. Count First, Then Decide

Often, gaining self-discipline means learning to control your impulses. Impulse, by definition, is a knee-jerk reaction or something you do without thinking. The best way to control that is to stop and give yourself time to think. Next time you are jumping into something, stop and count to ten. Then, take a deep breath and think about what you are about to do. If you still decide to do it, so be it. More often than not, though, you’ll talk yourself out of it. 

2. Put Your Goals Front and Center

Write down the goal you are hoping to achieve by controlling your behavior and keep it with you. Then, when you stop and count, pull that note out of your pocket. This will remind you why you need to take a beat and consider what you are going to do next. 

If you don’t have a specific goal, write an inspirational quote instead. This will help keep you in check. 

3. Write Down a Priority-Based To-Do List

If you write down a schedule for yourself, you can use it as a guide to keeping you on the right track. For example, if your goal is to hit the gym after work, then put that on your daily schedule. Set the alarm on your watch as a reminder that it’s time to go to the gym. You are less likely to procrastinate if you have a set to-do list. 

4. Get to Know Your Lack of Discipline Well

What is it that you do that gets you off track? The more you understand your distractions and weaknesses, the better you will be at creating actionable solutions. Maybe you enjoy going out to eat with friends. What could you do to satisfy that need without losing sight of your goals? How about you get together at each other’s house once a week and do a potluck. 

5. Find Ways to Hold Yourself Accountable

You could tell a friend or loved one what you are trying to accomplish and let them hold you accountable if you fail. You could also keep a measure of some kind. For example, if you want to exercise 150 minutes a week, keep track of your progress and make sure you hit that goal. 

Finding ways around your impulses will help you build up your self-discipline skills and apply them throughout your life. 

 

You’re never too young or too old to become a better person. But not surprisingly, for most of us, this knowledge comes with time and experience. Whether you’re actively trying to feel better about yourself or if it seems the change is happening organically, these five signs are indicators you’re on the right track:

1. You’re Learning New Things

Whether you’re out of college, out of work, or retired, you’ve come to realize that nothing stands in the way of learning new things. Maybe you’re reading more books, watching more world news, or getting out and talking more to people in your community. Or maybe you’ve recently signed up for a continuing education class on art or gardening. Regardless, you’re not standing still. And instead of losing the knowledge you once had, you’re actively training your brain to take in new information. 

2. You’re Thinking More About Your Community

You’re less worried these days about what your town, city, or government can do for you and more concerned about what you can do, yourself, to bring about positive change. Maybe you’ve taken on a volunteer role with the town council or signed up as a foster parent. Maybe you’re voting for the first time in your life. Regardless, you’ve noticed your focus is more outward than inward these days, and you’re realizing that there’s a lot you can do to make the world a better place. 

3. You’re Focusing More on How You Feel Than How You Look

You’re spending more time trying to eat well and exercise, but for different reasons. Once, you did both to maintain an hourglass figure or washboard abs. However, these days, you’re more concerned about energy levels and quality of sleep. Maybe you’ve taken up mindfulness training or yoga to help you manage stress. Or maybe you’re eating more fruits and vegetables and less fast food — not because you have to, but because you want to. 

4. You’re Learning How to Safeguard Your Peace

Those days of road rage are behind you, and instead of exchanging unpleasantries with that impatient driver who honks when the light turns green, you’re waving and going about your business. You’ve decided you’d rather go on with your peaceful day than let others bring you down to their level, and you actively seek out opportunities to make people feel good. 

5. You’re Actively Pursuing Joy

You may still have to report for work every day, but in your off time, you’re learning how to genuinely relax. You’re spending more hours with family and friends. And you’re prioritizing your time in such a way that life has become more enjoyable. Maybe you’re revisiting old hobbies or joining new community organizations. Maybe you’re hiking with friends on the weekends or finally learning how to sail. 

Regardless of why or what you’re doing to improve yourself and how you interact with others, it’s a commendable goal. And these five signs are guideposts that let you know you’re on the path to happiness and personal peace. 

Struggling to love what you see in the mirror? You’re not alone. Many people struggle to have a positive relationship with their bodies. Having a poor relationship with your body can cause many issues that negatively affect your life, including poor self-care habits, struggles in relationships, and mental health issues. Here, we’ll take a look at five concrete steps you can take to begin the journey of loving yourself–and your body. 

1. Stop focusing on what your body can’t do–focus on what it can do instead.

We’ve all been there: looking in the mirror and seeing everything we wish we could change about our bodies. When you’re looking at yourself in the mirror, take a moment to stop criticizing, and start appreciating the arms that can pick up your kids, the face that can smile at your coworkers, and the legs that help you get through each day.

2. Add nutrition to your diet instead of restricting or eliminating foods. 

Stop thinking about the foods that you “can’t” or “shouldn’t” have, and instead, focus on the delicious foods you can add to your diet that make you feel great. Having pizza night? Add some extra nutrition by topping your slice with veggies, or by having a salad on the side. Looking forward to your morning latte? Get a little extra pep in your step by adding a banana, some scrambled eggs, or some low-sugar yogurt on the side. 

3. Stop hanging onto clothes that make you feel bad. 

You know those jeans you have hanging in the back of your closet? The ones that fit a decade (or two) ago? Trash ’em. There’s no need to hang onto “someday” clothes. If you have clothes that make you think negative thoughts about your body, there’s no need to hang onto them. 

4. Move your body in a way that you love–or, at least, that you don’t hate. 

It’s ok if you don’t love exercise, but that doesn’t mean that you can totally skip out on moving your body in a meaningful way. Setting a small goal (like moving for 20 minutes three days each week) can help you begin to appreciate your body for carrying you through life. Whether you prefer going outside for a walk, doing a yoga video on YouTube, or taking a dance class with a friend, moving your body can help you remember all the ways that it supports you in day to day life.

5. Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to your best friend. 

You wouldn’t put up with someone talking down to your best friend about their body–and you shouldn’t put up with anyone talking down about your body either (even if that person is yourself). When you catch yourself in a cycle of negative self-talk about your body, pause, and consider how you’d feel if you heard someone speak that way to your best friend. Take a minute to frame your thoughts in a more positive manner, and remember that you deserve to be treated with love.

Meeting people isn’t as easy as one might think. This is especially true if you’re looking to meet people outside of school or work. You’d think that with technological advances that we’d be more social, but it has actually had the opposite effect. Technology can still be used to meet people, though, as you can find local social clubs that meet up and do various activities. Whether or not you’re browsing online for them, these hobbies are the best ones to meet new people.

5. Book Clubs

One of the oldest social clubs that you can find is the book club. People will have a designated book that they all read and will discuss the meanings behind the book and the author who penned it. Book clubs are still going strong these days, and it’s much easier to find one closeby. From Shakespeare to autobiographies about reality television personalities, the sky’s the limit for your book club.

4. Dog Park Visiting

If you have a dog, that’s one surefire way to at least start a conversation with a new person. When you take your dog to a designated dog park, though, you’re opening yourself up to a large amount of people that you can chat with. If your dog makes a new friend, you might make a new friend with its owner, too. After all, people can talk about their dogs for hours on end!

3. Hiking

Getting out into nature is one of the best ways to meet people without spending money and not feeling a lot of pressure. While some advanced hikers prefer to go solo, it’s much safer to hike with others. To add on to this, you can also go birdwatching as a similar hobby. You’ll be able to learn new things and understand the lay of the land. You don’t have to be super chatty, either, as most hikers are there to take in the sights and sounds of nature itself.

2. Trivia

One hobby that has been exploding in popularity over the past decade is bar trivia. Because of the prizes that are given out and the potential to compete on a state or national level, a lot of people want to prove their trivia knowledge. Because of this, you can hop onto online forums to find yourself a local team, or you can even play by yourself at first. After showing your skills and meeting some of those that are playing, you could find a group where you belong, even if you don’t partake in the drinking aspect of bar trivia.

1. Team Sports

You don’t have to be a professional athlete to get out and meet people. Most cities, no matter the size, have some form of athletics leagues that are open to the public. One of the more popular options is slow pitch softball. Both men and women can be on the same team, and signing up yourself as a free agent is a great way to meet people. Though it might take some time to break in and get to know your new teammates, those that have taken the plunge will make some lifelong friends.

There are people that are fine with receiving information via spoken word and can remember what they were told, but that way of processing information is becoming more and more rare. These days, people want information given to them in a way that they can map it out and allow their brain to process it in a more creative fashion, while also using the mind to get the body to do what they want.

This is known as visualization and it’s becoming increasingly common in just about every facet of our lives. Not only are major companies promoting the use of visualization to their employees at every level, but people are using it in their personal lives to become more efficient in their way of processing information. So what is it about visualization that makes it work for our everyday lives?

In short, visualization impacts your brain directly. By visualizing yourself doing something, your brain reacts directly by sending signals to different parts of the body. Whether you visualize yourself running faster or writing that big essay or company-wide email, it’s better to think about yourself doing it beforehand to allow your brain to get going.

Visualization isn’t just good for your physical well being, but also mentally. When you’re feeling stressed out, science has shown that visualizing yourself somewhere more comforting can help to reduce this stress and anxiety. Think about your favorite smell, the best beach you’ve ever been to, or simply resting at home with the ones you love. These images in your mind will get you more relaxed and focused even in the most hectic work situations.

There’s also a major impact on the business world when it comes to visualization, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. One of the old tropes for businesses in movies and television shows are businessmen using pie charts and bar graphs to show productivity in the workplace. As technology has become more advanced, though, we’re seeing companies use more interactive forms of visualization to help break things down and allow the brain to retain more information. It’s also helpful in terms of micromanagement as businesses try to get the most out of every penny spent.

One trend that has caught on a lot in recent years is a vision board. This is when someone creates a poster-like art that shows their goals for a given timeframe. Whether it be someone in a graduation cap and gown, a vacation destination or someone getting promoted, this helps your mind retain these images and collect the drive needed to make these goals happen. 

This is known as using your Reticular Activating System. This is a system of neurons located in the brain stem that blocks out some of the unnecessary information that your brain doesn’t need. In turn, you’ll become more focused on the important things such as data that you need to remember or the goals that you want to achieve. The more specific you get with your thoughts, the more likely your brain will be focused on finishing what needs to get done. So whether you want to improve your golf game, breathe easier in stressful situations or make more money at work, your brain can help you through the power of visualization. 

We all know what it’s like to feel down in the dumps. We’ve all been there: that dark place where every little thing seems to go wrong, and it feels like nothing will ever make us happy again. It’s a terrible feeling and one that most of us would love to avoid if we could.

But what if there was a way to train our minds to be more resilient? To brush off the small stuff and keep going even when things get tough?

It turns out there is! And you might be surprised to know that you probably already have many of the traits of a truly resilient individual.

Here are five signs that you’re more resilient than you think:

1: You’re not afraid of change

Some people are creatures of habit. They like their routines and don’t like it when things change. But for resilient people, change is just another opportunity to learn and grow.

They often thrive on change and see it as a chance to start fresh and try new things. If you’re the person who relishes change instead of fearing it, you’re likely more resilient than you realize.

2: You have a positive outlook

Optimism is one of the critical traits of resilient people. They tend to see the glass as half full instead of half empty.

This positive outlook gives them the hope and motivation to keep going even when things are tough. It’s also one of the things that help them recover more quickly from setbacks.

3: You’re not a quitter

Quitters never win, and they certainly don’t thrive in the face of adversity. Resilient people, on the other hand, are persistent and tenacious. They don’t give up easily, even when the going gets tough.

4: You’re adaptable

Flexibility is another important trait of resilient people. They can roll with the punches and adapt to changes quickly and easily.

This ability to go with the flow helps them weather any storm, whether it’s a personal setback or a global pandemic.

5: You have a robust support system

No one is an island; even the most resilient people need a robust support system to help them through tough times.

Having a network of friends, family, or colleagues you can rely on for help and encouragement is crucial for maintaining your mental health and well-being.

Wrapping Up

If you have any of the traits mentioned above, then congratulations! You’re already on your way to being a more resilient individual. Just remember that resilience is something that can be developed and strengthened over time with practice. So if you don’t consider yourself to be a remarkably resilient person right now, don’t worry. There’s still time to develop this important skill.

Have you ever glanced around the crowd of parents making sandwiches for the high school band boosters and wondered what they could all possibly have in common? It’s a good bet kindness tops the list. Volunteers are those who are willing to give their time and talents to a cause without expectation of pay, and not everyone has the fortitude to do it. But for those who enjoy serving meals at the local soup kitchen or fostering kittens for the local animal shelter, the benefits go far beyond a paycheck. We’ve reached deep into the barrel of benefits that most people experience when they volunteer, and we’ve come up with three surprising reasons you might find it’s a good fit for you, too.

1. Volunteering May Help You Live Longer

Kindness is more than just feeling empathy for your fellow man. According to The Mayo Clinic, it has real physical benefits for you, as well. Performing acts of kindness can actually lower your blood pressure, lower your stress level, and boost your mood. Volunteering helps you feel good about yourself and your own accomplishments, which leads to higher self-esteem. But perhaps the biggest benefit you’ll reap from volunteering your time is the connectivity you’ll feel. Believe it or not, staying active in your community as a volunteer may just extend your life.

2. Volunteering Is a Great Way to Polish Rusty Social Skills

Are you painfully shy? Or do you have trouble thinking of just the right thing to say to people you don’t really know? Volunteering is a perfect way to ease yourself out of your comfort zone in easy, doable steps. Start small by signing on as part of the setup or cleanup crew, and you may eventually become comfortable enough to take on whole projects. Most volunteer positions require at least some contact with other members of your community, church, school, or organization. And the more you participate and get yourself out there, the easier those encounters will become. Eventually, you may forget you ever felt socially awkward at all.

3. Volunteering Can Lead to Paid Opportunities

Just like an internship, volunteering at your local fire hall or senior citizen center might even lead to job opportunities. Of course, there’s no guarantee this will happen, but being in the right place at the right time with the right type of experience could certainly push you to the front of the applicant pool. And, according to Monster.com, even if no paid opportunities arise where you’re currently volunteering, just having that experience on your resume makes you 27 percent more likely to be hired down the road when you start seeking employment in earnest.

Regardless of why you may decide you’d like to give volunteerism a try, you’re bound to experience some perks in return. Feeling good about yourself at the end of a hectic day, making new friends, and learning new skills are all worth your time. We hope you’ll give it a go, so you can experience the many surprising benefits of volunteering for yourself.

We all make mistakes. We’re only human, after all. But when it comes to our spiritual development, making mistakes can be much more costly than spilling coffee on our shirts. Some of the most common mistakes people make in their spiritual development can keep them from achieving their goals and becoming their best version.

So what are some of the people’s most common mistakes in spiritual development? Here are five of the most common ones:

1. Not Being Consistent

One of the most important keys to success in anything is consistency. This is also true when it comes to our spiritual development. Just like we need to exercise our bodies to keep them healthy, we also need to exercise our spiritual muscles. This means making time for daily meditation, prayer, or whatever else helps you connect with your higher power.

2. Not Being Open-Minded

Another common mistake people make in their spiritual development is not being open-minded. Just because you’ve been doing something a certain way for years doesn’t mean it’s the only way. Be open to new ideas and new ways of doing things. You never know what might help you on your spiritual journey.

3. Not Being Patient

Patience is a virtue for a reason. It’s important to remember that spiritual development is a lifelong journey. There will be ups and downs, and it’s important not to get discouraged. Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and that everything will happen in perfect timing.

4. Trying to Force It

Trying to force our spiritual development is another common mistake people make. We can’t make ourselves have a spiritual experience. It happens when we let go and allow it to happen. Trying to force it will only lead to frustration and disappointment.

5. Comparing Ourselves to Others

Finally, one of the most common mistakes people make in their spiritual development is comparing themselves to others. Everyone is on their unique journey, and we all have different paths to follow. Comparing ourselves to others will only lead to feelings of inadequacy and jealousy. It’s essential to focus on our journey and trust that we are precisely where we should be.

Wrapping Up

These are just a few of the most common mistakes people make in their spiritual development. Remember, we’re all on our journey, and there is no “right” way to do things. The most important thing is being open-minded, patient, and trusting that everything will happen in perfect timing.